The Green I Want (Musing)

Green. The kind of green that has sun streaming through it; a closed-eyes-but-still-visible green. And quiet. The kind of quiet that might be punctuated by a frog in the distance or the sound of a katydid somewhere in the trees surrounding. And still. The still that only lives after prolonged fear and madness and chaos. Deep still. Earned still.

That’s what I want. I want my eyelids to flutter open, the way they might when they don’t know how long they’ve been closed, and meet this scene. I want to blink a few times; feel pressed grass below my head as I start to move; and then relax back. I want my eyes to close again and lay there for a moment, tasting the quiet and drinking the warmth on my skin. All is finished. All is done. There’s no more war to instigate. There won’t be any more cold, rainy nights; no more mobs; no more tragic stories. No more what-if’s and gasps and horror. No more laying awake at night; no more trying to hold back tears; no more clenched jaws. No more misunderstandings; brinks of madness; futile conversations.

Imagine it for me. I can’t always – I can’t hold onto the picture. I can’t make it last beyond opening my eyes.


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